OH-The BIG 4-OHHHH

 

First of all I cannot thank all of you enough for making this an amazing week.  I love each and every one of you more than I can even explain. Forgive the writing skills, I am rusty.

Ahhh, I am writing. Believe it or not I have been writing, just not anything I want the world to read yet. Today is November 2, 2011 (but I did not finish it on that day) and I am 40 years of age.  On Saturday my best friend and Mom flew in. After a quick trip from the airport everyone got ready for my Birthday dinner.  There were many surprises ruined due to my inquisitive nature and persistence yet oh so many I did not know about. I am one lucky and loved individual.

The past four days have more events than I care to share so I will focus on the dinner festivities.  It was to take place at 7:30 at Milla Bella at Vintage Park. We made it on time and they gave us this fabulous private room surrounded by wine. I was all smiles, ecstatic to be with my favorite people, and just plain giddy.  We ordered wine and appetizers and everyone was laughing and having a good time telling stories and of course the occasional reminder of some of my past birthdays. Oh man is that ever another story.

 

I wanted the mussels. Could not wait for them, mouth watering and when they arrived I scooped them up and put them on my plate. I was on about the fourth one when it tasted a bit sour and then nothing but grit in my mouth. I had already swallowed most of it but casually spit the rest in a napkin. I looked around and no one noticed but I asked, “Has anyone had a problem with the mussels?” There were only a couple of us eating them and no one had any issues. A small child poked her head in the curtain and squealed and giggled but promptly left. I ignored the kid and chalked up the mussels issue to unclean shellfish and focused on what I wanted for my main course. I had my salad picked out. I drank some wine ate some bread and left the mussels to sit in their misery. I glanced at the unwanted edible bivalves on the plate and felt a bit sad. They were never to be touched and doomed for the smelly trash. R.I.P. you “bearded” dirty mussel.

People were handing me  gifts and cards and I was on cloud 9. Hell, it was more like cloud 900. I had my Mom, my best of friends and the one I loved all to myself in a room with walls of wine with just a curtain separating us from the rest of the world. I hear another squeal and giggle and the child shut the curtain again. My best friend from Seattle had this gift made for me which is blanket/throw with all of our goofy sayings and secret language on it. We were showing it to everyone and explaining it when all of the sudden I hear this crash followed by another crash and then my legs and feet felt wet. I looked down to see red wine and glass flowing through our private sanctuary.

 

You see, if you know anything about Cooly (Yasmin Longoria) and I we can get into some mischief.  So my immediate reaction was to throw the” throw” and jump to the other end of the table in an empty chair and look innocent as hell. Cooly had already jumped the entire table in a single bound and was casually acting as if she was having a conversation with my Mom whose mouth was wide open and not even looking in her direction. The entire rest of the party was gaping at broken bottles of red wine streaming through our room and out to the street.  It looked like the Boston Tea Party.

Finally I look at Cooly who decides to stop her fake conversation and look at me and I mouthed to her, “we did not do that.” She shrugged her shoulders and decided to look as shocked and in awe as the rest of the table. I start to snap out of my fear we just destroyed a million dollars’ worth of wine and realize I have glass on my pants and am soak and wet with red wine. Then it dawns on me, I am wearing my favorite jeans, Big Star. In my head I am replaying us holding up my wonderful gift she personally had made for me and I realize, we REALLY did not do it. I stand up at which time I am rushed by restaurant staff equally as wide mouthed as the rest of our table. I watch a woman at the table outside of our room rush and grab some little shit ass kid and take her outside. The little girl is wearing a white dress with a white bow in her hair and looks innocent as hell. I simply grab my jacket and walk out of the room due to the amount of people now invading our territory and my birthday dinner. (Oh you know I had to throw in a bit of self-pity.) J

I watch as a man comes out and talks to the woman who sprung the devious child. Now 80% of my party is outside with me. The Mother of the child is still out there watching us talk and sees my pants are covered with the wine her child pushed through the wine holders built in the wall. She does nothing as the Father is playing with the child by the fountains as if they were at the park. I wanted pick up the lid of the trash can and throw it at them like a Frisbee. I was angry about my pants and my wet socks and shoes.  I chose to remain calm and focus on what was important, my loved ones, only after I glare at the woman who gave birth to the demon wine destroyer.

We begin to laugh at the reaction of Cooly and I. I just knew we did it but this time we were innocent for once. I think I will start calling Cooly, Superman. You know, leap tables in a single bound. We go back in and use the restroom and go back to our room where I find out my Mom and Tina had to move tables and stop them from using a bottle of bleach on the floor. We stop talking about it and begin to eat our salads which have arrived. It takes me a minute to find my napkin, fork and knife but finally I indulge in a yummy salad.

The children are running loose again. It was similar to Chuck E. Cheese but this is not a restaurant where a kid can be a kid no matter how many bows you put in their hair. As Tina said “The parents are acting like an episode of Jersey Shore and not paying attention to any of their surroundings.” I begin to feel a bit queasy. I decide it is nerves and perhaps a bit too much wine. Not only have I drank more than I usually do but the pores in my legs and feet have probably absorbed another bottle.  Our entrees arrive and mine has good flavor and Dusty shares some of his seared Ahi Tuna with me. I do not eat much because now my stomach is just sour. I decide to ask for a box and enjoy my people. It is rare I have all of my loved ones in the same city much less the same room.

The restaurant does the birthday desert thing on the house due to the craziness however my stomach is not having any of it. I drink some water and we pack up gifts including bottles of wine given to me. I walk out with my doggie bag and jacket. Everyone is outside the restaurant  hugging one another and saying our good-byes except I see Dusty and Michele almost in a sprint towards the car. I wonder why they are not saying goodnight to Susan who is heading back downtown. I assume they have another surprise they are planning so do not give it a second thought. The rest of us head to the Suburban (so awesome for our large groups) and we are pretty much shoved in the vehicle in a mad rush. I am buzzed from the wine and my stomach is not well. Of course the vehicle is running and before I sit down we are in reverse and squealing out of the parking lot. Okay, that may be somewhat of an exaggeration but we were on two wheels as we round the corner of the parking lot.

All of the sudden the truth comes out. When the wait staff came to clean the table they were about to grab some bottles of wine off the table and Cooly said, “No those were part of the birthday gifts. Of course they apologized and she put them with the rest of the gifts.

Yes, you may have guessed it but we had procured the bottles of wine the restaurant put on the table prior to our arrival in hopes of us buying them. Why they never removed them after we ordered other wine is a mystery. This was an innocent heist because I was given bottles of wine for my birthday and Cooly honestly thought they were mine. I am not concerned due to my nausea. I am about to be very ill. I nudge the person next to me and I am sure I am green and she tells Dusty I am about to throw up. Given that Dusty and Tina have raised 5 children, 6 if you include my young adult life Suburban immediately jumps the median, crosses two lanes of traffic and lands in a parking lot with plenty of grass where I fly over the middle row of seats because I am in the very back of the three rows of seats. I make it and proceed to lose my entire dinner and wine. My Mom is standing there asking me what is wrong. I want to say, “it is pretty obvious I am ill” however all I can taste is sour and grit. I explain about the mussel at which time she hands me a travel package of tissues and says” look at you, you are a mess.  You have wine all over your pants and vomit on your shoes.” Well, no shit I think to myself as I am completely embarrassed because all of my loved ones are gaping from inside the vehicle.

 

Of course I instantly feel better and get back in the automobile. We begin to replay all of the events of my memorable 40^th Birthday dinner and laugh and laugh until we get home where it continues. I drink water and sprite the rest of the night and direct my attention to my loved ones. I said on my way into the restroom to clean up and change, “Someone Google those bottles of wine we took.” When I came out after getting clean they explained they were $100 bottles of wine which means they probably cost triple that at the restaurant.  The manager had given me his card for the damage to my jeans. I never called because I figured we were even with the cost of the stolen wine and the lost dinner.

I would have personally liked an apology from the Neanderthal parents of the children who allowed their children to act like barbians in a somewhat “upscale” establishment. However, they were uncivilized and did not give a damn.

Whew, what a night!!

On Sunday, Sandido brought me a card and my dearest friend Mitch bought 10 tickets to Zach Brown. We had a blast but our theft continued that night as well.  You can buy blankets at the concert and Cooly and I each bought one however when I woke up the next day I realized I had three. All red of course but one was not the kind they sell at the Pavilion.  So, once again a theft occurred by mistake.

I will just call this 40^th Birthday the big 4-OH appropriation celebration. I have attempted to return the items we pinched however no success. The manager called it a wash and Mitch’s friends were not concerned about the blanket.

Happy Holidays my loved ones and thank you to all that made my days so special.

Carla, Susan, Michele, Mom, Tina, Yas, Blue Shirt,  Mitch and Dusty…I love you very much! Thank you from the bottom of my heart! And all the rest of you after the weekend. You made my year!

Peace out suckas! 40 is the new 30 so watch out world.

 

~ by nikkiolsen on November 16, 2011.