I am tangled in a moment of truth/bliss/comfort. There are those rare moments in life when you look around and feel at peace. I am having one of those today. As you know, I believe life is what you make of it. The world does not simply owe you happiness. It is achieved through determination, patience and hard work. I see others blame misfortune on life. I am calling bullshit. Get up off your butt and do something about it. Stop feeling sorry for yourself and start living. Only you can change you! What if today was your last day?
It took me 37 years to find comfort in my self. I enjoy me finally. I worked hard for this and found out this weekend I am able to achieve this when in the presence of another. I think many people don’t believe they deserve happiness. To me it is the simple things that make this girl happy. I don’t know why some events happen but of course there is a reason. My favorite self quote of the weekend: “It’s the simplicity of life that can make you happy. It’s even better if you are lucky enough to have a good person to spend it with.”
I haven’t shared this with many, but I need to now. My aunt Bev started chemo last week. I had the pleasure of sharing a week in Hawaii with her earlier this year. On our third night there she was complaining of some pains that were similar to indigestion. She was uncomfortable but we had eaten large & drank more wine than usual so that is what we chalked it up as. Unfortunately this was not the case. The second to the last day we were there she said to me “Nikki, I wish you would come home more. You are a pleasure to be around. It’s always a fun, simple and happy.” I took this compliment deep in my heart. Bev has and will always be an inspiration to me. Her love is unconditional. This is a magnificent loving woman who has been nothing but kind to the world. It pains me to know she is fighting for what little time the doctors have given her. In all of this pain I yearn for some positivity. Here is what fell in my lap.
My Mom sent me an email last night. I would like to share it. Not only to help fight this awful heartless disease but to show people what happens when you surround your self with beautiful people.
“When Nikki was here she formed a friendship with a wonderful woman in Seattle, who has also become my friend. Her name is Rebecca Lashley. We call her Beck or Becka. She is participating in the breast cancer climb to the summit of Kilimanjaro and has done a lot of fund raising for breast cancer. I told her about Bev and she has been praying for us. She sent me an email asking what we had found out last week and I had to tell her the bad news. Her response is below. This is a link to her blog about the climb. (you might have to paste it in your browser).
From Beck
I’ve been struggling with how to respond to this very sad news. I suppose there really aren’t adequate words to say in moments like this. Just know that I’m pulling for you and Bev with my prayers and most positive vibes I can muster! I hope you’re able to find rest for yourself as you support Bev. The climb is only 11 weeks away — yikers! I’ve secured almost all of my gear, and have all of my vaccinations. I’m starting to do two hikes each weekend, trying to organize a fundraiser to pull in the last of the $ we need to raise, and need to figure out my airfare. I’m still trying to find a way to collect miles to get some (or all) of the trip booked with miles. If not, I’ll just dig a little deeper in my jean pockets! ;o)
I’m going to start carrying Bev’s name with me on my weekend climbs … and she’ll go with me to the summit of Kilimanjaro along with the names the other people I climb on behalf of. If that would provide some comfort to her, feel free to share with her.
Big, big hugs to you Bonnie!!
~ Beck”
Of course I want to scream at the sky “Why her? Why not some douche bag that brings negativity to the universe? Why? Why? Why?”
No one is going to answer that. The answer will provide itself in time or there will be no answer. Who can explain taking such a superb, caring and loving individual from us?
What I do know is my kind heart and soul provides me the ability to surround myself with the most compassionate, thoughtful, benevolent humans on this earth. If I am lucky enough to call you my friend, please know you are in that category. Be kind people and expect the same. Make a positive change in someone’s life today. It will come back to you. Have patience with yourself.
I know…all sappy and shit but it is a surreal moment for me today.
Peace out suckas!
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