Just A-Bitchin’

This is what my best friend and I call “just a bitchin.”

I need to get a few things off my chest. Okay, not a few but a few million. Marilyn Monroe quotes make me want to strangle the person who posted them. “If you can’t handle me at my worst, then you don’t deserve me at my best” or whatever the hell the exact words are. Well, no fucking shit! Why did it take you reading a quote of someone dead to figure that out oh brilliant one?

Another one I despise is “If he is the right guy, he won’t leave.” Just call yourself the Einstein of stupidity fuckwad. Thank goodness it is from an anonymous source (I think.) You would have to be at your worst to write that shit down.

“Spend life with who makes you happy, not who you have to impress.” Are you effin kidding me? I bet that same SOB you are trying to impress is trying to change you too. No worries oh insecure one. If he/she is the right one they won’t leave when you are old and not impressionable any longer. Face it; we all get ugly. Seriously, have you seen a great pair of 75 year old breasts? How impressive will you be sitting in a HoverRound and Depends?

“Never settle for less than what you deserve.” I can barely comment on this one. I suppose there are those times in life where your partner is exactly what you deserve. It’s called Karma. Have you fucked someone over before? Booyah, there is your ever so loving revenge. Trust me, look at my ex. I completely and totally deserved that. Now I treat people with respect and stopped all the bullshit meaningless relationship/one night stand crap. It was wasting my time and theirs. Ah to be impressed and then fooled.
I just have to say this… If you have to work really hard to even get in a relationship. Just move the fuck on right now. Relationships are hard work and compromise at times…not EVERY time of every waking day.

If your significant other is jealous of friends/family/kids/dog/people walking down the street/the cucumber at the grocery store. It’s time to walk, no wait, put that HoverRound in over drive and haul ass. I am not going to get into a big thing here about what jealousy shows about how secure you are in life.

I have a theory after spending more than 70% of my life around drunks. You want to know someone? On their fourth drink of choice sit back and watch. Fuck, go get some popcorn. The shit is about to hit the fan or the tears are about to flow if the issues are not in check. Just get up and leave if either occurs. Unless, you have a PHD in Psychiatry/ Psychology/ Neurology/Excusology/BS-Ology then sit back and make some money. Make sure you charge in 15 minute intervals because those drunks like to fall asleep without notification. Bam, table on face and then the snore is on. Go to bed or pack up the house. The evening is over and welcome to their worst.

I suppose I need to put a disclaimer on this. I am not saying give up on anyone who goes through a rough patch. If the patch has lasted more than a year; well it’s not a GD patch it is a freakin’ field. Either commit to harvesting the crop with them or plow your own path out.

I know the next person I share a home with is in trouble. If we get that place together and it falls apart between us there are some new rules. She better poop some money and build an addition because I am not moving my belongings out again and losing or leaving my “stuff” behind. I use to have a theory that all material things were “stuff” and you can always get more “stuff.” Fuck that, I am tired of giving up ½ my table and walking with two chairs. I have to build new legs and the thing keeps getting smaller. If you want half of my stuff ever again, I am bringing one big ass chain saw. I mean like house size. I will cut that bitch in half and you can move your new bitch in over there.

I doubt with my new found respect for myself this will be an issue. I stopped that wiring uhauls crap a long time ago. Meaningless relationships and one night stands because I was lonely or insecure is so far dead I might as well call it a Marilyn Monroe phase.

Peace Out Suckas!

One more disclaimer, no real ex of mine was used as an example in this ridiculously stupid blog. Carly Simon is singing to you. “You’re so vain, you probably think this…” Well, it’s not. It’s called sarcasm and I am full of it. Every person in my life is and was extremely important. I am thankful for every one of them. Seriously, I am a bad ass person now. Thank you!

Tangled in a Moment

I am tangled in a moment of truth/bliss/comfort. There are those rare moments in life when you look around and feel at peace. I am having one of those today. As you know,  I believe life is what you make of it. The world does not simply owe you happiness. It is achieved through determination, patience and hard work. I see others blame misfortune on life. I am calling bullshit. Get up off your butt and do something about it. Stop feeling sorry for yourself and start living. Only you can change you! What if today was your last day?

It took me 37 years to find comfort in my self. I enjoy me finally. I worked hard for this and found out this weekend I am able to achieve this when in the presence of another.  I think many people don’t believe they deserve happiness. To me it is the simple things that make this girl happy. I don’t know why some events happen but of course there is a reason. My favorite self quote of the weekend: “It’s the simplicity of life that can make you happy. It’s even better if you are lucky enough to have a good person to spend it with.”

I haven’t shared this with many, but I need to now. My aunt Bev started chemo last week. I had the pleasure of sharing a week in Hawaii with her earlier this year. On our third night there she was complaining of some pains that were similar to indigestion. She was uncomfortable but we had eaten large & drank more wine than usual so that is what we chalked it up as. Unfortunately this was not the case. The second to the last day we were there she said to me “Nikki, I wish you would come home more. You are a pleasure to be around. It’s always a fun, simple and happy.” I took this compliment deep in my heart. Bev has and will always be an inspiration to me. Her love is unconditional. This is a magnificent loving woman who has been nothing but kind to the world. It pains me to know she is fighting for what little time the doctors have given her. In all of this pain I yearn for some positivity. Here is what fell in my lap.

My Mom sent me an email last night. I would like to share it. Not only to help fight this awful heartless disease but to show people what happens when you surround your self with beautiful people.

“When Nikki was here she formed a friendship with a wonderful woman in Seattle, who has also become my friend.  Her name is Rebecca Lashley.  We call her Beck or Becka.  She is participating in the breast cancer climb to the summit of Kilimanjaro and has done a lot of fund raising for breast cancer.  I told her about Bev and she has been praying for us.  She sent me an email asking what we had found out last week and I had to tell her the bad news.  Her response is below.  This is a link to her blog about the climb.  (you might have to paste it in your browser).

www.bc4b.org

From Beck

I’ve been struggling with how to respond to this very sad news. I suppose there really aren’t adequate words to say in moments like this. Just know that I’m pulling for you and Bev with my prayers and most positive vibes I can muster! I hope you’re able to find rest for yourself as you support Bev. The climb is only 11 weeks away — yikers! I’ve secured almost all of my gear, and have all of my vaccinations. I’m starting to do two hikes each weekend, trying to organize a fundraiser to pull in the last of the $ we need to raise, and need to figure out my airfare. I’m still trying to find a way to collect miles to get some (or all) of the trip booked with miles. If not, I’ll just dig a little deeper in my jean pockets! ;o)

I’m going to start carrying Bev’s name with me on my weekend climbs … and she’ll go with me to the summit of Kilimanjaro along with the names the other people I climb on behalf of. If that would provide some comfort to her, feel free to share with her.

Big, big hugs to you Bonnie!!

~ Beck”

Of course I want to scream at the sky “Why her? Why not some douche bag that brings negativity to the universe? Why? Why? Why?”

No one is going to answer that. The answer will provide itself in time or there will be no answer. Who can explain taking such a superb, caring and loving individual from us?

What I do know is my kind heart and soul provides me the ability to surround myself with the most compassionate, thoughtful, benevolent humans on this earth. If I am lucky enough to call you my friend, please know you are in that category. Be kind people and expect the same. Make a positive change in someone’s life today. It will come back to you. Have patience with yourself.

I know…all sappy and shit but it is a surreal moment for me today.

Peace out suckas!

Help Becca save a Boob or two!

Today is one of my dearest friends date of birth. This particular woman has a beautiful soul and a warm heart. She is climbing a mountain to save a boob or two. Hopefully some of you will help me help her save the “TA-TA’s.” I could bore you with statistics, charts, graphs, people’s stories, blah, blah, blah…but I won’t. Let’s make our own story by assisting her and her team. http://www.bc4b.org/

We all want to help causes. There are so many out there it is hard to choose sometimes. Many of you helped me help a family during Christmas time.  https://nikkiolsen.wordpress.com/2009/12/25/damn-fine-job-santas/ It was a beautiful thing to see so many people come together for a stranger. We did a damned fine job.

SOOOOOOOO…let’s do this again! Make this your Facebook status, send out an email, run outside and yell “Help Becca save some boobies.” Just do what ever it is you can. Here is the website:  http://getinvolved.fhcrc.org/site/TR?px=1035381&fr_id=1130&pg=personal

Babes Climbing 4 Boobies!!

There is a deadline and it is approaching FAST! http://www.bc4b.org/